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a few years ago i broke into my own house i had just driven home it was around midnight in the dead of montreal winter i had been visiting my friend jeff across town and the thermometer on the front porch read minus 40 degrees and don't bother asking if that celsius or fahrenheit minus 40 is where the two scales meet it was very cold and as i stood on the front porch fumbling in my pockets i found i didn't have my keys in fact i could see them through the window lying on the dining room table where i left them so i quickly ran around and tried all the other doors and windows and they were locktight i thought about calling a locksmith at least i had my cell phone but at midnight it could take a while for a locksmith to show up and it was cold i couldn't go back to my friend jeff's house for the night because i had an early flight to year of the next morning and i needed to get my passport in my suitcase so desperate and freezing cold i found a large rock and i broke through the basement window cleared out the shards of glass i crawled through i found a piece of cardboard and taped it up over the whole opening figuring that in the morning on the way to the airport i could call my contractor and ask him to fix it this was gonna be expensive but probably no more expensive than the middle of the night locksmith so i figured under the circumstances i was coming out even now i'm a neuroscientist by training and i know a little bit about how the brain performs under stress it releases cortisol that raises your heart rate it modulates adrenaline levels and it clouds you're thinking so the next morning when i woke up on two little sleep， worrying about the hole in the window and the mental note that i had to call my contractor and the freezing temperatures and the meetings i had upcoming in europe and with all the cortisol in my brain， my thinking was cloudy， but i didn't know it was cloudy because my thinking was cloudy and it wasn't until i got to the airport check encounter that i realized i didn't have my passport so i raised home in the snow and ice forty minutes got my passport raced back to the airport i made it just in time， but they had given away my seat to someone else so i got stuck in the back of the plane next to the bathrooms in a seat that wouldn't recline on an eight hour flight well， i had a lot of time to think during those eight hours at no sleep and i started wondering are the things that i can do systems that i can put into place that will prevent bad things from happening or at least if bad things happen will minimize the likelihood of it being a total catastrophe， so i started thinking about that， but my thoughts didn't crystallize until about a month later i was having dinner with my colleague danny conneman， the nobel prize winner and i somewhat embarrassedly told him about having broken my window and you know forgot my passport and danny shared with me that he'd been practicing something called prospective hindsight it's something that he had gotten from the psychologist gary klein who had written about it a few years before also called the pre mortem you all know what the post mortem is whenever there's a disaster you know team of experts come in and they try to figure out what went wrong right well in the pre mortem， danny explained you look ahead and you try to figure out all the things that could go wrong and then you try to figure out what you can do to prevent those things from happening or to minimize the damage？ so what i want to talk to about today are some of the things we can do in the form of a pre mortem， some of them are obvious some of them are not so obvious i'll start with the obvious ones around the home designate a place for things that are easily lost now this sounds like common sense and it is but there's a lot of science to back this up based on the way our spatial memory works there's a structure in the brain called the hippocampus evolved over tens of thousands of years to keep track of the locations of important things uh， where the well is where fish can be found that stand of fruit trees uh， where the friendly and enemy tribes live the hippocampus is the part of the brain that in london taxi cab drivers becomes enlarged it's the part of the brain that allows squirrels to find their nuts and if you're wondering somebody actually did the experiment where they cut off the olfactory sense of the squirrels and they could still find their nuts they weren't using smell they were using the hippocampus this exquisitely evolved mechanism in the brain for finding things but it's really good for things that don't move around much not so good for things that move around so this is why we lose car keys and reading glasses and passports so in the home designate a spot for your keys a hook by the door maybe a decorative bowl for your passport a particular drawer for your reading glasses a particular table if you designate a spot and you're scrupulous about it your things will always be there when you look for them what about travel take a cell phone picture of your credit cards your driver's license your passport mail it to yourself so it's in the cloud if these things are lost or stolen you can facilitate replacement now these are some rather obvious things remember when you're under stress the brain releases cortisol cortisol is toxic and it causes cloudy thinking so part of the practice of the pre mortem is to recognize that under stress you're not going to be at your best and you should put systems in place and there's perhaps no more stressful a situation than when you're confronted with a medical decision to make and at some point all of us are going to be in that position where we have to make a very important decision about the future of our medical care or that of a loved one to help them with the decision and so i want to talk about that and i'm gonna talk about a very particular medical condition but this stands as a proxy for all kinds of medical decision making and indeed for financial decision making and social decision making any kind of decision you have to make that would benefit from a rational assessment of the facts so suppose you go to your doctor and the doctor says i just got your lab workback your cholesterol is a little high now you all know that cholesterol is associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease heart attack stroke and so you think thinking having high cholesterol isn't the best thing and so the doctor says you know i'd like to give you a drug that'll help you lower your cholesterol a statin and you probably heard of statins you know that they're among the most widely prescribed drugs in the world today， you probably even know people who take them and so you're thinking yeah give me the statin， but there's a question you should ask at this point a statistic you should ask for that most doctors don't like talking about and pharmaceutical companies like talking about even less it's for the number needed to treat now what is this the nnt it's the number of people that need to take a drug or undergo a surgery or any medical procedure before one person has helped are you thinking what kind of crazy statistic is that right the number should be one my doctor wouldn't prescribe something to me if it's not going to help， but actually medical practice doesn't work that way and it's not the doctor's fault if anybody's fault it's the fault of scientists like me we haven't figured out the underlying mechanisms well enough， but galaxo smith klein estimates that ninety percent of the drugs work in only 30 to fifty percent of the people so the number needed to treat for the most widely prescribed statin what do you suppose it is how many people have to take it before one person helped 300 this is according to research by research practitioners， jerome groupman and pamela hearts band independently confirmed by bloomberg com i ran through the numbers myself 300 people have to take the drug for a year before one heart attack stroke or other adverse event is prevented now you're probably thinking about okay one and three hundred chance of luring my cholesterol， why not doc give me the prescription anyway， but you should ask at this point for another statistic and that is tell me about the side effects right， so for this particular drug the side effects occur in five percent of the patients and they include terrible things debilitating muscle and joint pain gastro intestinal distress， but now you're thinking well five percent not very likely it's gonna happen to me i'll still take the drug， but wait a minute remember under stress we're not thinking clearly， so think about how you're gonna work through this ahead of times you don't have to manufacture the chain of reasoning on the spot three hundred people take the drug right one person's helped five percent of those three hundred have side effects that's 15 people you're 15 times more likely to be harmed by the drug than you are to be helped by the drug now i'm not saying whether you should take this that or not i'm just saying you should have this conversation with your doctor medical ethics requires it it's part of the principle of informed consent you have the right to have access to this kind of information to begin the conversation about whether you want to take the risks or not now you might be thinking i've pulled this number out of the air for shock value but in fact it's rather typical this number needed to treat for the most widely performed surgery on men over the age of 50 removal of the prostate for cancer the number needed to treat is 49 that's right forty nine surgeries are done for every one person who's helped and the side effects in that case occur in fifty percent of the patients they include impotence or rectal dysfunction， urinarian continents rectal tearing fecal in continents and if you're lucky and you're one of the fifty percent who has these they'll only last for a year or two so the idea of the pre mortem is to think ahead of time to the questions that you might be able to ask that will push the conversation forward you don't want to have to manufacture all of this on the spot and you also want to think about things like quality of life because you have a choice oftentimes do i want a shorter life that's pain free or a longer life that might have a great deal of pain towards the end these are things to talk about and think about now with your family and your loved ones you might change your mind in the heat of the moment but at least you're practiced with this kind of thinking remember our brain under stress releases cortisol and one of the things that happens at that moment is a whole bunch of systems shut down there's an evolutionary reason for this face to face with a predator you don't need your digestive system or your libido or your immune system because if your body is expending metabolism on those things and you don't react quickly you might become the lion's lunch and then none of those things matter unfortunately one of the things that goes out the window during those time to stress is rational logical thinking as danny conniman and his colleagues have shown so we need to train ourselves to think ahead to these kinds of situations i think the important point here is recognizing that all of us are flawed we all are going to fail now and then the idea is to think ahead to what those failures might be to put systems in place that will help minimize the damage or to prevent the bad things from happening in the first place coming back to that snowy night and montreal when i got back from my trip， i had my contractor install a combination lock next to the door with a key to the front door in it an easy to remember combination and i have to admit i still have piles of male that haven't been sorted and piles of emails that i haven't gone through so i'm not completely organized， but i see organization as a gradual process and i'm getting there thank you very much。

hi， everyone my name is nina and i'm here to talk to you about how to relieve stress does that seem relevant to anyone some stress yeah picture this it's a friday and it's the last weekend before final exams you have term papers do exams to study for grad school applications and two research proposals to submit you are slumped over your desk completely overwhelmed by everything you need to do do you a push through and keep working b curl up in a little ball it's a valid option we've all done it or see go to a party this was my dilemma one night during my bachelor's degree and in a moment of completely giving up on my work i chose the party according to my to do list i had absolutely no business going out that night there were so many things that i could have been doing and yet in the days that followed i had more energy more focus i was less stressed and my work came more easily instead of waiting until all of my work was done a night at the silent disco museum party dancing with my friend seppi allowed me to let tension out of my body to relieve stress and made my work easier now i'm a work stress and burnout prevention consultant i'm doing a phd studying work related stress and i use neuroscience to help people manage stress looking back i can see why going to that party worked so well， it aligned with what i refer to as the three keys to stress relief i use these keys to help people incorporate stress relief into their daily lives and their work and today i'd like to share those with you you heard the first one just a moment ago let tension out there are a lot of different ways to relieve stress that let tension out of our bodies exercise and movement creativity or journaling talking to a friend meditation or mindfulness even a nice big hug that we can melt into often these things involve physically getting something out of our bodies sweat and energy when we exercise our words when we tell a friend how we're doing thoughts on the page when we journal or get creative our breath if we practice mindfulness we're breathing exercises when we relieve stress we can feel it tension that we've been carrying in our necks our chests our wrists fades away if you're up for it how about we let some tension out right now in your chair whatever feels comfortable move around a little bit do your own little silent disco party oh yes i see some fancy footwork i like it people often tell me that taking a break to relieve stress does not work for them and when people say this i like to ask what they're doing the answer is usually scrolling or working no one comes out and says they're working on their brakes instead people say things like i go for a walk and i listen to a podcast related to work for professional development or i journal well watching tv and checking emails for work most often when people say that taking a break to relieve stress does not work for them is scrolling social media i love social media and i absolutely think that consuming content from the internet that we enjoy has a place in our lives but sometimes a bit of space from information can feel really good we take in so much in a day your brain is attending to and processing so much so the second key to stress relief is to limit information in there are two reasons for this first what you're taking in may contribute to stress a lot of media is fun and and enjoyable familiar shows can even provide a sense of comfort does anyone have a favorite tv show they rewatch when they're stressed out yes， i have a whole roster of sitcoms that i rotate through sometimes it's comforting knowing what's going to happen， but other media can contribute to stress the news content that leaves us comparing ourselves to others tv shows or movies that are disturbing prompt a fight or flight response and keep you up at night if you are working on a break to relieve stress， you don't really get a break from work even if you love of your job work can be depleting in a longitudinal study researchers from golf university and frankfurt found that work engagement being really absorbed and figurated by your work was related to exhaustion over time lab experiments have found that being immersed in tasks can increase cortisol and blood pressure while there are psychological benefits to enjoying your work you still need real brakes to relieve stress it's kind of like exercise if you hate running， it's pretty easy for me to convince you that running is where on the body and do you need opportunities to recover， but even if you love running， it's wear on the body and you need opportunities to recover incorporating brakes to relieve stress into our work days can lead to less stressful more productive work days in a 2021 study one group of participants took part in back to back virtual meetings and showed brain activity consistent with an accumulation of stress in another group participants got ten minute meditation breaks in between meetings that group did not show the increase in stress and instead showed brain activity consistent with better focus as meetings went on according to neuroscience your brain can only focus on one thing at a time and this is the second reason to limit information in whether you are watching reading or working that becomes your focus instead of your own experience thinking back to the night at the museum party i went to there was music playing but i was not trying to attend to or learn information i was not trying to follow a plot or take something in if taking in information is not helping you feel good or has just gotten to be too much i invite you to find some space what if on your walk you took 10 minutes to reflect on your day before turning on the professional development podcast what if well journaling you allowed yourself to only do that for five minutes before turning on the tv and checking emails what if on a break at work before picking up your phone you took a few deep breaths to let attention out if you're comfortable with it i invite you to take some space with me right now take a nice big deep breath in end up one more breathe in and out let tension out limit information in the first two keys of stress relief are simple enough but what stops us from actually doing them sometimes it feels like too much work i believe the best way to relieve stress is whatever you will actually do so the third key to stress your leaf is to lower the barrier to entry imagine stress relief on a sliding scale if you want to move or exercise you can go to a night at the museum party like i did or you can go on a bike ride do a short workout or bring the party to you and have a little dance party in your living room if you want to talk to a friend maybe you don't have to wait for your brunch plans you can see if they have ten minutes to facetime instead if you like to journal you can have a journaling practice with glitter， pens and sparkles and different colored tape or you can write in bullet points you don't even have to write in complete sentences you could doodle you could just scribble a teacher has been using the three keys to stress relief in her classroom a student who we will call jamie has been having some trouble in class jamie gets really stressed and really overwhelmed， really frustrated， really mad and this leads to big outbursts sometimes jamie is not able to finish her work parents have to be called and jamie was even removed from an after school club which is a really big deal when you're eight so the teacher thinking of the three keys to stress relief gives jamie a mad book and says the next time you get mad you can scribble about it in your mad book the same day jamie is working on an assignment when jamie starts to get stressed she's getting overwhelmed frustrated angry mad jamie gets up goes to the mad book picks up a bright， red crayon and scribbles and goes back to her work without saying a word now you're all grown up but you deserve ways to relieve stress that are just as easy when it's available to you you can do more but when you're overwhelmed sometimes it helps to make things as easy on yourself as possible so that you don't have to wait until you finish everything on your to do list until work is done until your quarter is over to relieve stress instead relieving stress can help you approach your day with more energy， more focus and of course less stress we've talked about a lot of different ways to relieve stress today， so i invite you to choose one pick something that allows you to let tension out limit information in and has a low enough barrier to entry that it is something you will actually do that way you can start putting yourself before your to do list thank you。

your favorite athlete closes in for a victorious win the crowd holds its breath and at the crucial moment she misses the shot that competitor just experienced the phenomenon known as choking where despite months， even years or practice a person fails right when it matters most choking is common in sports， where performance often occurs under intense pressure and depends on key moments and yet performance anxiety also haunts public speakers， contestants and spelling bees and even world famous musicians most people intuitively blame it on their nerves， but why does being nervous undermined expert performance？ there are two sets of theories， which both say that primarily choking under pressure boils down to focus first， there are the distraction theories， these suggest that performance suffers when the mind is preoccupied with worries doubts or fears instead of focusing its attention on performing the task at hand when relevant and irrelevant thoughts compete for the same attention something has to give the brain can only process so much information at once task that challenge working memory the mental scratch pad we use to temporarily store phone numbers and grocery lists are especially vulnerable to pressure in a 2004 study， a group of university students were asked to perform math problems some easy others more complex and memory intensive half the students completed both problem types with nothing at stake， while the others completed them when calm and under pressure， while everyone did well on the easy problems， those who were stressed performed worse on the more difficult memory intensive tasks explicit monitoring theories make up the second group of explanations for choking under pressure， they're concerned with how pressure can cause people to over analyze the task at hand here the logic goes that once a skill becomes automatic thinking about its precise mechanics interferes with your ability to do it tasks we do unconsciously seem to be most vulnerable to this kind of choking a study on competitive golfers compared their performance when instructed to simply focus on putting as accurately as possible versus when they were primed to be acutely aware of the mechanics of their putting stroke golfers usually perform this action subconsciously， so those who suddenly tuned in to the precise details of their own move also became worse at making accurate shots choking may not be inevitable for everyone though research suggests that summer more susceptible than others， especially， those who are self conscious anxious and afraid of being judged negatively by others so how can we avoid choking when it really counts first， it helps to practice under stressful conditions in a study on expert dart players researchers found that those who hadn't practiced under stress performed worse when anxious compared to those who had become accustomed to pressure secondly， many performers extol the virtues of a pre performance routine whether it's taking a few deep breaths repeating a cue word or doing a rhythmic sequence of movements studies on golfing bowling and water polo find that short rituals can lead to more consistent and accurate performance under pressure and thirdly researchers have shown that having an external focus on the ultimate goal works better than an internal focus where someone is tuned into the mechanics of what they're doing a study of experienced scoffers revealed that those who hit chipshots while focused on the flight of the ball performed significantly better than those who focused on the motion of their arms so perhaps we can modify that age old saying practice under pressure with focus and with that glorious end goal in sight makes perfect。

so i'd like to start if i may by asking you some questions if you've ever lost someone， you truly love ever had your heart broken ever struggled through an acrimonious divorce or being the victim of infidelity， please stand up if standing up， isn't accessible to you you can put your hand up， please stay standing and keep your hand up there if you've ever lived for a natural disaster being bullied or be made redundant stand on up if you've ever had a miscarriage if you've ever had an abortion or struggle through infertility， please stand up finally if you or anyone you love has had to cope with mental illness dementia， some form of physical impairment or coat with suicide， please stand up look around you adversity doesn't discriminate if you are alive， you are going to have to or you've already had to deal with some tough times thank you everyone take a seat i started studying resilience research a decade ago at the university of pennsylvania in philadelphia， it was an amazing time to be there because the professors who trained me had just picked up the contract to train all one point one million american soldiers to be as mentally fit as they always have been physically fit as you can imagine you don't get a much more skeptical discerning audience than the american drill sergeants returning from afghanistan so for someone like me whose main quest in life is trying to work out how we take the best of scientific findings out of academia and bring them to people in their everyday lives， it was a pretty inspiring place to be i thought that was my calling my moment to put all of that research to good use but sadly i was wrong for my own true test came in two thousand and fourteen on queen's birthday weekend， we and two other families had decided to go down to lake ohho and bike the alps to ocean oh the last minute， my beautiful twelve year old daughter abbey decided to hop in the car with her best friend， ella also twelve and ella's mum sallie a dear dear friend of mine on the way down as they traveled through rakiah on thompson's track a car sped through a stop sign crashing into them and killing all three of them instantly in the blink of an eye， i find myself flung to the other side of the equation waking up with a whole new identity instead of being the resilience expert suddenly， i'm the grieving mother waking up not knowing who i am trying to wrap my head around unthinkable news my world smashed to smithereens suddenly， i'm the one on the end of all this expert advice and i can tell you i didn't like what i heard one little bit victim support arrived at our door and told us that we could expect to write off the next five years to grief i know the leaflets and the resources meant well， but in all of that advice they left us feeling like victims totally overwhelmed by the journey ahead and powers to exert any influence over our grieving whatsoever i didn't need to be told how bad things were believe me， i already knew things were truly terrible what i needed most was hope i needed a journey through through all that anguish pain and longing most of all i wanted to be an active participant in my grief process so i decided to turn my back on their advice and decided instead to conduct something of a self experiment parental bereadement is widely acknowledged as the hardest of losses to bear， but i can tell you now five years on what i already knew from the research that you can rise up from adversity that there are strategies that work that it is utterly possible to make yourself think and act in certain ways that help you navigate tough times there is a monumental body of research on how to do this stuff today， i'm just going to share with you three strategies these are my go to strategies that i relied upon and saved me in my darkest days there are three strategies to underpin all of my work and they're pretty readily available to us all anyone can learn them you can learn them right here today， so number one resilient people get that shit happens they know that suffering is part of life this doesn't mean they actually welcome it in they're not actually delusional is that when the tough times come they seem to know that suffering is part of every human and knowing this stops you from feeling discriminated against when the tough times come why not me terrible things happen to you just like they do everybody else that's your life now time to sink or swim the real tragedy is that not enough of us seem to know this any longer number two resilient people are really good at choosing carefully where they select their attention they have a habit of realistically appraising situations and typically managing to focus on the things that they can change and somehow accept the things that they can't this is a vital learnable skill for resilience as humans we are really good at noticing threats and weaknesses we are hardwired for that negative we're really really good at noticing them negative emotions stick to us like velcro， whereas positive emotions and experiences seem to bounce off like teflon being wide in this way is actually really good for us and served us well from an evolutionary perspective our threat focus our stress response is permanently dialed up resilient people don't diminish the negative， but they also have worked out a way of choosing into the good one day when doubts were threatening to overwhelm me， i distinctly remember thinking no you do not get to get swallowed up by this you have to survive you've got so much to live for choose life not death don't lose what you have to what you have lost in psychology？ we call this benefit finding being able to switch the focus of your attention to also include the good has been shown by science to be a really powerful strategy so in two thousand and five marty's elegment and colleagues conducted an experiment and they asked people all they asked people to do was think of three good things that had happened to them each day what they found over the six months course of this study was that those people showed higher levels of gratitude， higher levels of happiness and less depression over the course of the six months study when you're going through grief you might need a reminder or you might need permission to feel grateful number three resilient people ask themselves is what i'm doing helping or harming me this is a question that's used a lot in good therapy and boy is it powerful this was my go to question in the days after the girls died late at night i'd find myself sometimes pouring over old photos of abby getting more and more or upset i'd ask myself really is this helping you or is it harming you put away the photos go to bed for the night be kind to yourself this question can be applied to so many different context is the way i'm thinking and acting helping a harming you in your bid to get that promotion to pass that exam to recover from a heart attack i get scores of letters and emails and things from all over the place of people saying what a huge impact it's had on their lives asking yourself whether what you're doing the way you're thinking the way you're acting is helping or harming you puts you back in the driver's seat it gives you some control over your decision making three strategies pretty simple they're readily available to us all anytime anywhere they don't require rocket science resilience isn't some fixed trait it's not elusive that some people have and some people don't it actually requires very ordinary processes just the willingness to give them a go， i think we all have moments in life where our life passed splits and the journey we thought we were going down sakes some terrible views off to some terrible direction that we never anticipated and we certainly didn't want if you ever find yourselves in a situation where you think there's no way i'm coming back from this i urge you to lean into these strategies and think again i won't pretend that thinking this way is easy and it doesn't remove all the pain， but if i've learned anything over the last five years it is that thinking this way really does help more than anything it has shown me that it is possible to live and grieve at the same time and for that i will be always grateful thank you。

i'll be talking about three coping resources and the first one is feeling like you're in control of your life people who feel like they're more in control of their life have better mental health if you feel like you're lacking in control in life， then research shows that you should engage in experiences that give you greater control i'll show you what i mean do you sometimes find that you put off starting something？ because you just don't feel ready enough？ do you find it hard to make decisions？ like what to wear what to eat who to date？ which job to take up？ do you tend to waste a lot of time deciding what you might？ do while nothing gets done a way to overcome indecision and this lack of control in life is to do it badly？ there's a quote by writer and poet g k chesterton that says anything worth doing is worth doing badly the first time the reason why this works so well is that it speeds up your decision making and catapults you straight into action otherwise you can spend hours deciding how you should go about doing something or what you should do this can be paralyzing and can make you afraid to even begin？ all too often we aim for perfection never end up doing anything because the standards that we set for ourselves are too high they're intimidating which stresses us out， so we delay starting something or we might even abandon the whole thing altogether do it badly freeze you up to take action？ the second coping strategy is to forgive yourself and this is very powerful if you use it people with anxiety think a lot about what they're doing wrong， they're worries and how bad they're feeling imagine if you had a friend who constantly pointed out everything that you're doing wrong and everything that was wrong with you your life you would probably want to get rid of this person right away， wouldn't you well people with anxiety do this to themselves all day long they're not kind to themselves so maybe it's time to start being kinder with ourselves time to start supporting ourselves and a way to do this is to forgive yourself for any mistakes you think you might have made just a few moments ago to mistakes made in the past if you had a panic attack and are embarrassed about it forgive yourself if you wanted to talk to someone， but couldn't must drop the courage to do so don't worry about it， let it go forgive yourself for anything and and everything and this will give you greater compassion towards yourself you can't begin to heal until you do this and last， but not least having a purpose and meaning in life is a very important coping mechanism whatever， we do in life， whatever work we produce however， much money we make we cannot be fully happy until we know that someone else needs us that someone else depends on our accomplishments or on the love that we have to share the famous neurologist dr victor franco said for people who think there's nothing to to live for and nothing more to expect from life， the question is getting these people to realize that life is still expecting something from them another way that you can do something with someone else in mind is finishing work that might benefit， future generations even if these people will never realize what you've done for them， it doesn't matter because you will know and this will make you realize the uniqueness and importance。